Checking in before giving advice
Today I had two interactions that involved the topic of solicited and unsolicited advice.
The first interaction was with a friend who I'd gone running with. After the run I'd given her a big download of context from my week, including something that I was having tender feelings about. At the end, almost as an afterthought, I specifically asked her for advice. And in our world of too much advice giving, she actually did the opposite! Even though I'd asked, she thought about it and then said "I don't think I have advice right now, just empathy and solidarity because I also struggle with that." Then we fist bumped.
Later in the day I had a brief interaction with someone else, and when I asked how they were doing they said they were feeling triggered lately by a person. I asked about their feelings and needs, and they said that they thought they were feeling triggered because a person kept giving advice and opinions as soon as they (the person I was speaking with) shared any new ideas they were brainstorming.
Something I would like to do more of is explicitly checking in before I offer advice to someone, especially if they haven't asked for it. If our goal with advice-giving is for the advice to be considered, I think checking in first really helps with this goal. But checking before giving advice is not a means to an end, it's also an end to itself for me. I think of it as related to the topic of enthusiastic and informed consent. There can be a variety of things that we're seeking when we share something with someone else. Maybe we're seeking validation, or feedback, or just someone to listen.